Dear Darling Toddler Son
of Mine,
My Love, there are so many
concepts that I wish I could convey to your little developing mind. How much I
love you, how happy you make our family, etc. However, there are a few basic ideas that, for your best
interests, and for mine, I really
wish I could get you to understand. Like, immediately.
Repeating myself has not
worked. I see other moms who seem to be able to communicate with their
toddlers, trick them into doing what they want, etc. But you and I haven’t been
meeting eye to eye too much lately, huh? I like to write… would that help? No,
no, it won’t. Because you’re two. But, you know what? I feel crazy enough today
to try, just to make myself feel better. So, humor me, and let me share with
you some ideas that I really, really
want you to just get. I swear, you’d be happier, too, if we were just
on the same page.
- The baby will
get sick if you snotstream and slobberspray all over him. You have had a
constant stream of mucous coming out of your nose (which you insist on wiping
away with your hands) as well as a chronic cough since October 1st. If
you snotstream and spray your slobbery cough on your brother, he will get sick. Just like the 500
other times he’s gotten sick in his 3 months of life. Sick baby means stressed
out mama. Is that fun? No. So please refrain from further snotstreaming and
slobberspraying. Use tissues. Cough into your elbow.
- I don’t know which
“blue cup” you’re talking about. Please stop wailing, “BLUE CUUUUUP!!” I’ve
given you all the blue cups that exist in the house. WHICH BLUE CUP?!?!
- The baby needs
to sleep. Please, please let me do
the whole rocky/shushy/patty thing to get the baby to take a nap, and then we
can PLAY! Haven’t you noticed that if the baby is wailing, Mommy is too
distracted and we can’t PLAY? Stop hollering and please stop climbing on me,
the baby (go get a tissue!), his crib, and-- COUGH INTO YOUR ELBOW!!! In a few
months we’ll get our Ferber on in this house, but for now, if you would just give us enough peace to get the
baby to sleep, I swear it will be worth your while.
- I have significantly lowered my expectations for your consumption of fruits and vegetables. I am now asking that you eat exactly four peas. Four. And then I will be appeased enough to give you a massive cookie just like the one your big brother likes to conspicuously enjoy in front of you. EAT THE PEAS AND YOU GET THE COOKIE. It’s so easy. Do it!!
These are the ideas from
today, my Love. I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. Will I do any better
conveying them to you? Probably not. But I think I’ve gotten the whole, “I love
you so much” thing across, right? And I know you love me too. I’ve got the
snotstream all over my shirt to prove it.
With lots of love and hugs
and kisses,
Mom
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What are some ideas you
want your child to just get? Share
them in the comments section.
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